A note from a very dark space
The email read: Happy New Year, Wil! Here’s hoping yours is happy, healthy, and prosperous.
It has been none of the above. My ribs are cracked so it hurts every time I breathe. I have a three inch laceration across my left palm. I’m left handed, of course. I can’t just lie in bed ‘cause I got a head cold and I’m more miserable lying down than standing. No, I didn’t survive a plane crash or get attacked by sharks while swimming the great barrier reef. I should be so lucky.
No. These are vacation-induced home-improvement project injuries. Except the cold, and no, sadly I didn’t catch that cavorting with hookers. I got it from my wife’s little cousins at the family Christmas party.
And of course the carb-saturated environment of Christmas, along with my notorious lack of self-control have had the expected effect on my blood sugar.
Not a healthy New Year.
Neither is it prosperous. After selling everything of value that I still own on eBay in a three week marathon, I sat down to update the check book; where upon I discovered that the fucking post office had cleaned me out. Deb had been taking the dozens of packages to them for shipping. I had charged shipping to cover parcel post. The post office told Deb that Priority Mail was basically the same price.
Yeah. Right.
Not if the box is of any size at all.
Item sells for 35 dollars. I charge 10 for shipping. Post Office charges 78 to ship it. I have effectively paid 33 dollars for someone to take this item off my hands. More actually, once eBay hits me for listing it and takes their “final value” fee. Let’s not forget PayPal. They take a cut too.
It was a finical blood bath. We lost money on all most all the small stuff we sold. What about the big stuff? Well, that is a series of tragedies that still makes me too sick to talk about it, but involves shipping damage, credit card fraud, and at least one psychopath who has bombarded with bile-filled e-mails and crazy demands. And those are all separate incidents, by the way. At least I look very scholarly with all this grey hair in my beard.
On top of all of that, under the delusion we had money again, I was re-disturbing a percentage of our wealth on eBay while Deb was doing the same at Wal-Mart. When the smoke cleared we were broke and in debt to our necks again; but now with less stuff than before.
Not a prosperous New Year.
Which leaves me with happiness. Even without all the stress and crap listed above I started the end of the year in a dark space and I have stayed there. I can’t even tell you why, but I doubt I’ve ever been so depressed.
Maybe the lack of money and the fact that I’ll never earn a decent paycheck at the clinic ‘cause I don’t have the right letters after my name.
Maybe the complete lack of intimacy in my life.
Maybe because I spent the vacation downsizing my life’s work. After almost 20 years in the lab businesses it is now clear this will end badly. I moved remaining bits a pieces of equipment from four three-quarters-empty-rooms into one large one. It’ll be nice in the long run, but it was emotionally tough and stirred up lots of emotions I didn’t even know I had. Made it clear just how much I’ve lost in the last six years; and not just money, either.
Maybe because of this diabetes thing. You know I have diabetes, right?
Maybe because my insurance is so bad I’m pumpless and it doesn’t look good for the CGM once the current sensors are used up. A mixed blessing, I’ve had a lot of really crappy sensors lately. Looks like MedT is having trouble up-scaling production while keep a hold of quality.
Maybe….
Or…
And…
Well, just… Not a Happy New Year.
It has been none of the above. My ribs are cracked so it hurts every time I breathe. I have a three inch laceration across my left palm. I’m left handed, of course. I can’t just lie in bed ‘cause I got a head cold and I’m more miserable lying down than standing. No, I didn’t survive a plane crash or get attacked by sharks while swimming the great barrier reef. I should be so lucky.
No. These are vacation-induced home-improvement project injuries. Except the cold, and no, sadly I didn’t catch that cavorting with hookers. I got it from my wife’s little cousins at the family Christmas party.
And of course the carb-saturated environment of Christmas, along with my notorious lack of self-control have had the expected effect on my blood sugar.
Not a healthy New Year.
Neither is it prosperous. After selling everything of value that I still own on eBay in a three week marathon, I sat down to update the check book; where upon I discovered that the fucking post office had cleaned me out. Deb had been taking the dozens of packages to them for shipping. I had charged shipping to cover parcel post. The post office told Deb that Priority Mail was basically the same price.
Yeah. Right.
Not if the box is of any size at all.
Item sells for 35 dollars. I charge 10 for shipping. Post Office charges 78 to ship it. I have effectively paid 33 dollars for someone to take this item off my hands. More actually, once eBay hits me for listing it and takes their “final value” fee. Let’s not forget PayPal. They take a cut too.
It was a finical blood bath. We lost money on all most all the small stuff we sold. What about the big stuff? Well, that is a series of tragedies that still makes me too sick to talk about it, but involves shipping damage, credit card fraud, and at least one psychopath who has bombarded with bile-filled e-mails and crazy demands. And those are all separate incidents, by the way. At least I look very scholarly with all this grey hair in my beard.
On top of all of that, under the delusion we had money again, I was re-disturbing a percentage of our wealth on eBay while Deb was doing the same at Wal-Mart. When the smoke cleared we were broke and in debt to our necks again; but now with less stuff than before.
Not a prosperous New Year.
Which leaves me with happiness. Even without all the stress and crap listed above I started the end of the year in a dark space and I have stayed there. I can’t even tell you why, but I doubt I’ve ever been so depressed.
Maybe the lack of money and the fact that I’ll never earn a decent paycheck at the clinic ‘cause I don’t have the right letters after my name.
Maybe the complete lack of intimacy in my life.
Maybe because I spent the vacation downsizing my life’s work. After almost 20 years in the lab businesses it is now clear this will end badly. I moved remaining bits a pieces of equipment from four three-quarters-empty-rooms into one large one. It’ll be nice in the long run, but it was emotionally tough and stirred up lots of emotions I didn’t even know I had. Made it clear just how much I’ve lost in the last six years; and not just money, either.
Maybe because of this diabetes thing. You know I have diabetes, right?
Maybe because my insurance is so bad I’m pumpless and it doesn’t look good for the CGM once the current sensors are used up. A mixed blessing, I’ve had a lot of really crappy sensors lately. Looks like MedT is having trouble up-scaling production while keep a hold of quality.
Maybe….
Or…
And…
Well, just… Not a Happy New Year.
posted by Wil | 4:48 PM
8 Comments:
Can I convince you things can't go anywhere but up?
Hang in there and I hope you heal quickly.
Is there an opportunities in a book? You are a very creative person. Take advantage of that creativity. I could read your posts all day every day. Your site is the only one I went back to the beginning and read from day one. You have talent, probably many talents, take advantage of them. You'll just be poor till you finish but you will finish and succeed. That’s a given.
I've had a ton of crappy sensors too lately. I was wondering if my horrible luck with CGMS was my fault or the product's.
Hope things look up soon.
Wil
I'm worry to here things are going badly. I wish I could offer some words that would pick you up.
Is there any small thing I can do to help?
I do hope things start to pick up before too long.
damn... well you've at least certainly made one hell of a comeback to blogging.
I agree with richw that you should consider writing a book. Whether you're discussing diabetes or just life in general, your writing is compelling. The issues you face--financial ruin from diabetes and the day-to-day care of diabetes--are important issues for many people in our country. Your discussion of other life issues--your family, life in the Southwest, etc.--would be a fascinating read for anyone with or without diabetes.
You write the book and I bet we can get you on Oprah!
Hey Wil,
Thinking of you buddy.
I've experienced that post office trick, too. I didn't think their sales were hurting that much, but when I started sending items with first-class and parcel post, I found that they were shipped nearly the same speed as Priority. Therefore, when they say "there isn't much difference", what they should mean is that there isn't much difference in delivery time, but there is a big difference in price. (It's based on zip code zones, so price between parcel and priority can vary between 50 cents and 50+ dollars!).
Have you thought about starting a "Certified Living with Diabetes" certification program? Could probably charge people $10 for a membership card. :)
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