It now has a name

It is a neoplasm.

Now, you may not know this, but tumors, masses, and neoplasms are all different words for the same thing. They, in the most basic English, are abnormal growths of body tissue. Neo from the Greek for “new” and plasm from the Greek for “growth.” Neoplasm simply means “new growth.” And neoplasms come in two flavors: Black Hat and White Hat.

Black Hat neoplasms are malignant. That means cancerous. Which would be bad fucking news indeed.

White Hat neoplasms are benign. That means non-cancerous. Which would be good fucking news indeed.

My pet neoplasm, according to the pathology report, is wearing a microscopic White Hat. It is benign. Harmless, beyond being ugly. But still, it has to go. You know, before it decides to change sides and become something else. Oh, and I get to choose its method of execution.

I can have it shaved off with a surgical razor. But it might grow back.

Or I can have the little bastard frozen off. But it still might grow back.

Or I can have it excised. Cut out roots and all, once and for all, at the cost of a small scar.

I’m already feeling the rush of joy that James Bond villains must get when planning the super-spy’s demise.

Monty, I choose door number three.

Wednesday after next, right before lunch, it has a date with a scalpel.